EXCLUSIVE: Newspaper Claims Story Known to Everyone is EXCLUSIVE

One of the amusing side effects of newspapers having websites is the gay abandon with which they scream “EXCLUSIVE” (always in capital letters) when writing stories which are definitely not exclusive to them.

They all do it. I suspect it is because almost all of them leave the composition of the online versions of their newspapers to unpaid work experience children.

The Telegraph, sad to relate, is a major offender. Every day you will find allegedly EXCLUSIVE stories on the Telegraph’s website. And every day you will say to yourself “surely, that can’t really be an exclusive story”.

This evening we have a glorious example. The Telegraph proudly boasts that it has got hold of a story which is EXCLUSIVE to it. Apparently, you won’t credit this, Lords Mandelson, Kinnock and Patten, all former employees of the EU, are in receipt of EU pensions and are also keen to prevent us from leaving the EU.

Goodness me, what a scandal. Who would ever have thought that former Commissioners of the EU were paid pensions? And who knew, surely no one until the Telegraph started investigating, that they were in favour of the EU?

This is investigative journalism on a major scale. Editors of other newspapers must be becoming almost suicidal as they see the Telegraph getting yet another EXCLUSIVE story.

All I can say is “well done to those fearless teenagers who write the Telegraph’s online newspaper: we will for ever be in your debt.”



4 thoughts on “EXCLUSIVE: Newspaper Claims Story Known to Everyone is EXCLUSIVE

  1. We are on the slippery road that can only end one way; with content free journalism. In the end we will probably be given a pile of adjectives and adverbs and we will be expected to compile the story with the app of our choice. What if there was an app for each of the Telegraph reporters.
    The puzzling thing as far as the much heralded advancement in technology is concerned, is that I am pretty certain the reporting as well as the website itself is on a downhill slope.


  2. Well said Charles, but beware! Over in the USA, criticism of the media is a hanging offence – apparently. Have a care, you may be ‘Trumped’ 馃檪


  3. Charles, perhaps they are using it as an adjective, as in excluding or not admitting other things:).
    excluding or not admitting other things:
    “my exclusive focus is on San Antonio issues”
    restricted or limited to the person, group, or area concerned:
    “the couple had exclusive possession of the condo” 路 [more]
    synonyms: sole 路 unshared 路 unique 路 only 路 individual 路 personal 路 [more]
    catering or available to only a few, select people; high class and expensive:
    “an exclusive Georgetown neighborhood”
    synonyms: select 路 chic 路 high-class 路 elite 路 fashionable 路 stylish 路 [more]
    (exclusive of)
    not including; excepting:
    “prices are exclusive of tax and delivery”
    an item or story published or broadcast by only one source.
    synonyms: scoop 路 expos茅 路 special


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