I don’t believe the one about the Acorns.

DUI – TEXAS STYLE

Only a person in Texas could think of this.
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes
as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing
lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.’
“I doubt it”, said the truly proud Redneck. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’

For you who need to know everything:

For you who need to know everything:
******************************
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.
******************************
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Oh , go ahead … I’ll wait.
*******************************
Donkeys kill more people annually,than plane crashes or shark attacks.
(So, watch your Ass )
********************************
You burn more calories sleeping! than you do watching television.
*******************************
Oak trees do NOT   produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
******************************
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
******************************
The King of Hearts is the only King WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
******************************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
******************************
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. 
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?
That women are going in the ‘right’ direction…!
***********************************
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning …
***********************************
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN !
*************************************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. 
So did the first ‘Marlboro Man’.
*************************************
Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE! 
**************************************
PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!
**************************************
The ten most valuable brand names on earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds,Samsung, Intel and Toyota, in that order. 
*****************************************
It IS possible to lead a cow upstairs   but, NOT downstairs.
****************************************
A duck’s quack doesn’t echo,and no one knows why. 
***************************************
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least Six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) 
**************************************
And the best for last…..!
 Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS! (I know some people like that, don’t YOU?)
So……………………
 Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on……and go move your toothbrush!
And stop folding that DAMN PAPER!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!
I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is good.

 

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11 thoughts on “I don’t believe the one about the Acorns.

  1. Brilliant, Cheech. 🙂

    I’m just trying to find out why the “continue reading” tag isn’t working. It’s a bit too complicated to sort it out now. It’s late here, but I’ll try and sort it out in the morning and explain. I did manage to do it with one of your earlier posts. It’s not a major problem though so it will wait.

    Like

    • You are inserting the “more than” tag correctly – that’s not the problem. It’s to do with where you are copying it from. The formatting is conflicting with WordPress so your text is is one big block and your tag goes to the end instead of after the first paragraph.

      I’ll sort it out tomorrow and let you know the solution.

      But don’t worry, just keep on posting. 🙂

      Like

  2. Hi again, Cheech.

    I managed to sort out your post and add the tag, but it would take too long to explain how I did it. I had to edit a lot of the HTML tags which were causing the problem.

    I am assuming you copy and paste from emails, and they contain an awful lot of HTML, which in case you are not familiar with HTML, they are just the codes to add formatting: bold, italic and etc. In some cases they apply formatting which makes your text appear in a sort of block a bit like a picture so you cannot add a more tag, it just sits at the end instead of after the first few paragraphs.

    After experimenting I think the easiest way to do it is as follows:

    Paste as usual and try to add the more tag in the appropriate place.
    Switch to HTML from VISUAL ( top right of your toolbar)
    Scroll to the end of the post and if your more tag is there, right click and select cut
    Then position your courser nearer the top where you want it and paste the more tag into the post.

    Next time you do a long post, try it and see if it works.
    Once you have published it, you can click on the HOME page go to your post see if the more tag is in the right place. NB. If you do a preview of your post the more tag will not show. You need to publish it first, or check on VISUAL before you publish to see if it’s in the right place.

    The only reason for doing it is to fit more blogposts onto the HOME page. It’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work.

    Like

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